Wednesday, February 11, 2009

FE Quickies: Marketing



It annoys me that every company has to have a stupid little trademark saying now.

Cadillac - break through
Subway - eat fresh
Allstate - are u in good hands?
Taco Bell - think outside the bun.

Marketing pisses me off. I hate listening to people try to whore their products on me. Leave me the fuck alone. I don't want to break through, I don't want to eat fresh, and I don't want to think outside the bun. What kinda fucking nerve to these companies have that they can tell me what to do every second of every day.

They never even ask anymore. They don't say "Want to try my taco? You might like it". No, instead it's "Here, eat this fucking thing. Oh, you don't like tacos? Well shut the fuck up and pay me $2 and eat the fucking thing anyway, because your life sucks without tacos. What the fuck is the matter with you that you don't want a taco. It's the only thing standing in your way to pure happiness. You're fucking miserable now. You're gonna die alone unless you eat our tacos.

Its fucking awful now. Everyone just wants to make money. And everyone's product is the best. And if not, they just put an athlete in the commercial. "Oh man i hate sprite. Wait LeBron James drinks sprite, get me a 12 pack. It has to be good if LeBron James drinks it. I bet it will make me a better basketball player too. I'm gonna obey my thirst." This country has turned into a non-stop whoring festival. Everywhere you look some blood sucking company has put its stupid logo all over it.

"I really enjoyed the Nokia Sugar Bowl and the Fed Ex Orange Bowl this year".

I'm afraid to grab my spankerchief under my bed because i know sooner or later its gonna have the Toyota symbol on it.

Monday, February 9, 2009

FE Quickies: Southern Accents



I HATE people with southern accents. Stop using them. Theres nothing interesting about anyone with a southern accent. Its not 1870 anymore, put your 6-shooter away and progress with the rest of the country.

You're showoffs and no one wants to associate with some one who sounds like he just pulled his dick out of a horse. God that fucking annoys me.

Youre never gonna get a job sounding like that. If I'm a boss and the guy I'm interviewing opens the conversation with "Howdy" he can get right back on his horse and ride off into the sunset. And I'll take my chances with the lawsuit he files against me cause I'm sure he'll stop at a saloon first and get too drunk to show up.

The only thing you've ever brought to the table was Dolly Pardon's tits. And god forbid we ever have another civil war. They couldn't even win when technology was even, what are they gonna do now when we have automatic machine guns and bombs, and we see them charging at us with muskets and rakes. Its fuckin disgraceful.

-Fin-