vs.
The experts...
Winston Assmonger III:
Simon Cowell - Having only seen the show a few times, I don't have too much direct reference for Simon, but he actually seems like the lesser evil (and way less annoying) than Paula Abdul or that douche "Randy"*. Paula Abdul sucked in the 80's and she sucks even more now. "Randy" seems like he tries to prove that he's actually black and Simon, weather he likes it or not, gets to play the "bad guy". I'm not sure if I actually hate Simon Cowell, or just hate American Idol and everything to do with it. The thing is this - If I was surrounded the company of Ryan Secrest, Paula Abdul, "Randy" Jackson, and a rotating cast of Clay Aikens, I'd be pissed off too. Of course, it lame cause it seems like he really buys into this role given to him.
* 'Randy' appears in quotes cause the whole time because I have a hard time believing that "Randy" is actually black - I knew 2 randy's in my life. One was a Jewish kid from the suburbs, and the other was that annoying cowboy-puppet from Pee-Wee's play house. Maybe Randy Jackson is actually a white guy with some sort of reverse albino effect?
Andy Dick - I really, really, really HATE Andy Dick. He's one of those shitty c-list celebrities that is trying to really carve out a "personality" for himself and is only pulling the wool over a few casting directors eyes. For this we get to see him in countless SHITTY cameos and 1 aweful reality show. He's not funny, he's not "whacky", His stupid blond mop hair makes me want to punch him in the throat, and his voice is one of the more irritating voices in hollywood... short of Gilbert Godfried.
I think the winner of this match up for biggest asshole that deserves to die (and spare us any more agony) is Andy Dick.
Vote: Andy Dick
Bowlfart Q. Rocketdick:
On Simon Cowell, what the fuck has this guy ever done aside from being grumpy on TV and finding "creative" ways to say that people suck? I honestly had no clue, so I went to Wikipedia and found this:
So, he was an A&R at a British record company, signed a bunch of no-name pop acts, and made novelty WWF and Power Rangers records. And from this he somehow developed this air of superiority, like he's done something worthwhile and actually has credibility in music. Does anyone in the music business really take this guy seriously? Also, any male that's this entrenched in the pop world is a little suspect. I see what you're saying about having to hang around a fat black guy pretending to be down and an old 80's pop star who would probably pimp out her mother's corpse to be considered relevant, along with the biggest vagina on television, and how that would make you bitter, but honestly, he deserves no better than that.
Andy Dick -- This is a whole other animal. First of all, I find it hilarious that Jon Lovitz actually knocked this asshole out. If you can piss off Hanukkah Harry to the point of him throwing fists, you know you're a supreme piece of shit. I actually came into this one wanting to vote for Simon Cowell, because the guy really thinks he's some kind of credible music critic but is in actuality a complete joke. But I've been convinced after hearing your argument. Andy Dick still gets cameos pretty much playing himself in everything he appears in-- himself being a tussled haired faggot who annoys everyone with his obnoxiousness. He's what Paulie Shore would be if Paulie Shore had been molested by a clown as a child.
Andy Dick gets my vote too. Dr. McDouche, your vote can either make this one unanimous or a split decision.
Vote: Andy Dick
Dr. Edwin McDouche:
Final vote: Andy Dick wins unanimously and moves on to the 2nd round
Vote: Andy Dick
Bowlfart Q. Rocketdick:
On Simon Cowell, what the fuck has this guy ever done aside from being grumpy on TV and finding "creative" ways to say that people suck? I honestly had no clue, so I went to Wikipedia and found this:
Subsequently, Cowell signed up a number of acts to S-Records that made a mark in the pop music world, including Curiosity Killed the Cat, Sonia Evans, Five, Westlife, Robson & Jerome, and Ultimate Kaos. He also released several novelty recordings featuring the likes of wrestlers of the World Wrestling Federation, Teletubbies, Zig and Zag and the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, that were huge successes.
So, he was an A&R at a British record company, signed a bunch of no-name pop acts, and made novelty WWF and Power Rangers records. And from this he somehow developed this air of superiority, like he's done something worthwhile and actually has credibility in music. Does anyone in the music business really take this guy seriously? Also, any male that's this entrenched in the pop world is a little suspect. I see what you're saying about having to hang around a fat black guy pretending to be down and an old 80's pop star who would probably pimp out her mother's corpse to be considered relevant, along with the biggest vagina on television, and how that would make you bitter, but honestly, he deserves no better than that.
Andy Dick -- This is a whole other animal. First of all, I find it hilarious that Jon Lovitz actually knocked this asshole out. If you can piss off Hanukkah Harry to the point of him throwing fists, you know you're a supreme piece of shit. I actually came into this one wanting to vote for Simon Cowell, because the guy really thinks he's some kind of credible music critic but is in actuality a complete joke. But I've been convinced after hearing your argument. Andy Dick still gets cameos pretty much playing himself in everything he appears in-- himself being a tussled haired faggot who annoys everyone with his obnoxiousness. He's what Paulie Shore would be if Paulie Shore had been molested by a clown as a child.
Andy Dick gets my vote too. Dr. McDouche, your vote can either make this one unanimous or a split decision.
Vote: Andy Dick
Dr. Edwin McDouche:
Simon Cowell - The only appropriate way to start this is to say how much I hate the British. And now we have a lousy Brit telling Americans that they're no good. What the fuck is wrong with that picture? The only thing I respect him for is his severe hatred for fat chicks. Cause if theres one thing Simon Cowell hates more than someone who cant sing, its a fat chick who can't sing. But back to my point, I don't go to England and critique all those ugly Brits, and believe me I could. If you ever feel insecure about your teeth or haircut, spend 20 minutes in London. You'll feel much better.
Andy Dick - He is openly bi-sexual.
Therefore, Andy Dick wins a unanimous decision over Simon Cowell. You don't fuck dudes and then try to get your face on my tv.
Final vote: Andy Dick wins unanimously and moves on to the 2nd round
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