CDT 2008 Round 1 - (1) Larry the Cable Guy vs. (16) Tila Tequila

Looks like a pretty lopsided match-up between a white trash unfunny comedian and a whore who has nothing to show for herself aside from her tits. Lets go to our celebrity experts:

DmcD:

Larry The Cable Guy ------------------------------

PROS: N/A

CONS: Hes fucking southern for one. Secondly, how does the phrase "Git R Done" get famous? What the hell does it even mean? Two of them aren't even words. Thanks to the south and a certain set of people, the English language is in shambles. The day "R" shows up in my dictionary as a legitimate word, is the day I kill my entire family ending with myself. We'll be better off.

Tila Tequila----------------------------------

PROS: Whore

CONS: Shes famous for doing NOTHING. But shes still a whore.

And the Winner is: Larry the Cable Guy. Very deserving of his #1 ranking, Larry needs to meet his death very soon. Why I have to see him on tv just about every day is completely beyond me. 10 years ago we laughed at people like that, now hes in fucking commercials. This is what people look up to now. We're headed in the right direction, for sure.

Vote: Larry the Cable Guy



BFQ:

Larry The Cable Guy ------------------------------

PROS: Absolutely zero.

CONS: In addition to the stupid fucking catch phrase, he pretends to be white trash but is actually a millionaire who grew up in Palm Beach. If you're gonna try "offensive" humor, at least be funny. Jim Norton is an example of a funny offensive comedian. Larry the Cable Guy is an example of a hack that uses worse material than your racist distant uncle who makes people feel uncomfortable at family gatherings with his terrible jokes. (Also cons: Delta Farce and the other movie where he plays himself but I can't think of the name)

An example of a Larry the Cable Guy joke: "spic, nigger, kike, holocaust never happened... and chink"

Tila Tequila----------------------------------

PROS: fuckable

CONS: Got famous by looking like a whore on a network of 13 year olds and pedophiles, and trying to cash in on her "whore-fame" through reality tv and what is I'm sure unlistenable music. Seems like a complete cocktease. Resembles Gizmo from Gremlins.

This one's way too easy. I can think of few things more hilarious than Larry the Cable Guy getting Dime Bag Darrel'd right before the punch line of one of his jokes. I bet it would get more genuine laughter than whatever he was gonna say anyway. As for Tila Tequila, she will likely have faded into obscurity by the time anybody reads this regardless, so looks like it'll be back to ass-tonguing for music deals for her. That seems like a more fitting end for her.

Vote: Larry the Cable Guy by a fucking mile.


A-Mong:

Larry The Cable Guy

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PROS: Until he dies and well beyond that, the only thing people will think of this guy is that he's white trash. Justice served

CONS: Seriously? Absolutely everything.

• His audience

• His Voice

• His Jokes

• His outfit

• The fact that he made money on it

• The fact that we're held hostage to his shitty one liners

Everything. Larry the Cable Guy is fucking awful.

Tila Tequila

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PROS: It's at least something to look at - and there's nothing behind the curtain so you don't have to feel bad about thinking of her as a meathole and nothing more.

CONS: Hearing people think she's actually somebody. She's Masturbation Fodder and that's it - No one cares what she has to say, what she's interested in, what parties she's going to, who she hangs out with, or even if she were to lose a limb. The second her looks start to fade she is fucking out and there will be 3 more hotter more desperate girls waiting to take her spot.

Winner by unanimous decision and moving on to round 2: Larry the douché