Why hello there. I'm James V. O'Connor, founder of the
Cuss Control Academy and author of
"Cuss Control: The Complete Book on How to Curb Your Cursing" (
on sale now at Amazon.com). I'd like to thank the good folks at Forced Entry for allowing me the forum to give you fine readers a brief overview of my beliefs. And also to plug my book,
on sale now, at Amazon.com.
I don't know about you people, but cussing sure seems to have gone way up around me. I mean, even in my humble midwestern town, people seem to be using the f-word and the s-word and the V-A-G-I-N-A-L-B-L-E-E-D-I-N-G words without a second thought nowadays. It just makes me uncomfortable, dagnabit, and I believe that it's the first sign of the decline of our civilization. It is for this reason that I've decided to lead a revolution in clean speaking, which I believe leads to intelligent living. I think a well-spoken society leads to a more literate and educated society, and can enjoy the finer things in life,
like reading my book, available through Amazon.com and possibly at a retailer near you if you continue to pester them with threatening letters with the persistance of an OCD patient for a few dozen weeks.
I know what you're asking. "Mr. O'Connor, your book sounds very intriguing, and you have given me every reason to want to learn more about your methods. Can you explain your technique a little further?"
And my answer to that is, "of course-- but I can only provide you a teaser, because if you want the full in-depth discussion, I actually wrote a whole
fudrucking book about it-- available at Amazon.com or in a box in my basement.
You see, when I get angry, I don't feel the need to shout expletives, or even to mutter them under my breath. There are many more healthy alternatives to get that anger out. For example, the next time you get cut off in traffic, and feel the need to call the perpetrator some form of
sodomite or a female reproductive organ, instead just think about how much worse some people have it in life, such as a quadriplegic or a child with Down's Syndrome. After a few moments reflecting on those waterheads, you should be chuckling and in a better mood in no time at all.
Now you might think of me as a stick in the mud, just trying to ruin your good time with all this clean talk, but the truth is I like a good joke as much as the next guy. In fact, at my old job, I was known as the office cut-up. And I earned that reputation with nary a 4-letter word coming out of my mouth.
As I teach in my course, and in my book (
on sale now at Amazon.com), a good technique to use is to think up funny sounding words as alternatives to cuss words. Personally, I get a chuckle out of nonsense words like wizzle wazzle, flim flam, and miscarriage. Using these words also shows just how creative and innovative you can be with language, instead of lazily relying on the old offensive standbys to get a laugh out of people.
Also, clean speaking shouldn't keep you from ribbing your friends and peers, a tradition in the O'Connor household. But in my case, I do it without the invectives that would make some of the more sensitive types shy away. A good example of this was when we had hired a young go-getter from the local state college--a gentleman who happened to be of the darker persuasion. He would use some of what I dub the "soft cusses" like the h-e-double-hockey-sticks, and the one that is reserved for God's bidding. So instead of trying to one-up him on that front, I just turned to him with a chuckle, patted him on the shoulder, and said to him "boy are you one shiny eggplant". My co-workers laughed and laughed, and the best part is that we did it the right way, without using offensive and, in my opinion, barbaric language.
Unfortunately, I have to cut this little blurb short, because otherwise I'll give away all the secrets that are in my book, which in case you didn't realize
is for sale at Amazon.com. But I'd like to thank you fine folks for reading this far, and hopefully you all learned a little something.
